She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
