Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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