I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize