nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
