I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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