Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize