if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
