Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
