He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
