and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You just made me feel so damn special
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
