So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
