Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
