i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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