Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
