I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
