Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
