It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize