Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
