I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
