I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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