Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
