I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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