eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
