I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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