I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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