I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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