i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
