Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
