I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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