We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
