That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So squirting runs in the family.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
