no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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