No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize