Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize