remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
