I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
