Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
