if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
