I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
