Im at strip club and am horny
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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