so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
