I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
