dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
