hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
