i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
