Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
