matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
