Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
