this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize