Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
