I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
