I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
