I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
