Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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