But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
