I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize