Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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