I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
