I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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