I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
