i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
