i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think i peed on brittanys purse
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
