Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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