You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
