She is in my trunk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
