bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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