I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
worst night to have a conscience
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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