You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
