she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
wow bdsm is so cute
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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