got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
