My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
