i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
