Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
