matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
